I wish my penis had an off switch
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
