It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
