i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
