NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
