why do cheetos always look like penises
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Even my vagina gasped.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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