I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
