Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
