My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
