STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
