ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
