Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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