he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
