you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
