We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
