he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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