Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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