I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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