you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
