If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
