I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
