you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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