You work out of a Hotel?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
