i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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