I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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