...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
