her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
