never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
