I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
