Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
