He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
