God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
