Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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