You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
