Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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