Don't you send me to vm
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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