i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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