It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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