haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
