Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
