i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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