I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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