smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
