Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
