I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sober January is a disaster.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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