I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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