she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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