I have demons in me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
