my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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