I wish I could punch you in the face.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
