Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
