I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
