Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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